Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
What a dumb baby whore.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
