he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
