what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
