the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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