How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
