I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
