Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just want nice things and good sex
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
