and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
