please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
