Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
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