I skipped work to stalk him.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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