My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
