i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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