Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
