Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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