I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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