I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
