genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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