I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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