I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize