I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
