I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
