I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
