Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
