You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
