I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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