how can u be prego again
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
