I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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