I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
