i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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