the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize