xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
