I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
