Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
