Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize