When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
