I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
