dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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