Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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