I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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