does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
