he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
