I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
