I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
you made out with another girl for some wings
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
