dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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