OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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