Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
