He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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