I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
