Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
