Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
