What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
