And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
