Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
