Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize