Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
