I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
