brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
