Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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