this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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