Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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