yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
