I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
