hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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