Do you still have your period?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
