Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
