Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
