my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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