To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
