I heard we made out
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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