I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
