wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
