I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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