I'm lost and stupid without you.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It was confusing and full of hummus
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
