Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Randomize
